9 Ways To Piss Off A Receptionist Near YOU....

Being a receptionist HAS to be the most irritating job on the face of this earth. When people ask me what I do I usually respond with "oh, I'm a flunky", yeah they laugh it off, but shit its the truth. Imagine people in your face ALL fuckin' day, answering phones ALL fuckin' day and babysitting adults ALL fuckin' day. And just so you don't forget... I HATE MY JOB! So umm yeah, this is another post about just that...

Having Asshole Tendencies In My Lobby
I can't count the number of weirdo's that come through my lobby on the regular. But the people that piss me off the most are the impatient summabitches! "Mrs. I Don't Have All Day" and "Mr. I'm On A Meter Man". Guess what??? Tapping your feet, moaning, groaning and sighing in my lobby will NOT speed up your waiting time. I had a dude drop off a subpoena, I CANNOT SIGN FOR ANYTHING LEGAL. So I called someone to come up & sign for it. Apparently they weren't moving fast enough, because not even 2 minutes later, dude was back in my face... "umm all I need is a signature, here YOU can sign for it" then he slips it through the mail slot under the window. I kindly hand it back to him and tell him "no, someone will be with you shortly", then he proceeds to say "Well, do they have to come from another floor? I mean all I need is a signature how long is this gonna take?!"..."Siiiiiiir, you can have a seat, someone is on the WAY"...then his ignorant ass leans against the window and starts tapping his fingers on the wall.

It takes ALL I have not to step outside and...

for assholes such as him.

Standing @ My Window Unannounced
Our receptionist area is behind a glass window and guess who was blessed with the funtastic opportunity to sit behind it...that's right
muah!!!! We don't have a bell or anything to signal us when someone comes through the door so half of the time I don't even notice that they're there. So I could very well be in my 3rd championship of Spider Solitaire while your dumb ass is standing on the other side of the window gawking @ me. Ummm, *Public Service Announcement* If its OBVIOUS that I haven't noticed you standing there, then maybe the ideal thing to do would be to say something to announce your presence. A "hello" or an "excuse me" will suffice; simple asses.

Approaching Me With An Unwarranted Attitude
I work in an office that handles claims, so trust me THAT alone is STRESSFUL enough. Its like everybody has a fuckin' attitude here. From the bitch I sit next to, to the Director, the people on the phones, even the punk ass UPS man has an attitude. Da hell YOU bitchin' about and all you gotta do is drop off a damn box??? Our UPS guy has the ashiest, crustiest hands I have EVER seen in my life, his hands need plastic surgery. Every damn day he comes through in such a damn rush, I hate him. He does this little nasty impatient ass tap on the door, I know its him so I roll my eyes and take my damn time getting up. When I open the door he tries to barge his midget
ass in with the box before I can even get out of his way. (Rude Mofo) I remember one time he was supposed to pick something up and I'm guessing this was another one of his bad days. I showed him where the package was and he snarls @ me saying "LOOK, I have gotten TWO calls about this package, is this EVERYTHING y'all want me to take??!"

Maaaaaannnn, I got pissed.

First off, YOU gotta come here EVERYDAY so if its NOT the package then guess what??? You'll be back tomorrow??? LMAO it must suck to be him.

Lingering At My Desk

I am NOT fuckin' friendly. That's the biggest misconception people have of a receptionist. Yeah, sure at one point in time I USED to be a nice person and dare I say it? I even "cared" about the way I came across to people. But after 5+ years of the same bullshit, lets just say I'm OVER it. One of the easiest ways to piss me off is to come up front tryna chill @ my desk. Have I ever skipped my ass to your cubicle tryna hold a covo??? Nope. I don't care WTF I'm doing, if I'm working, putting on my damn mascara or playing
uno online, that is NOT an open invite for you to bring your happy yappin' ass in my face blabbing about your dumb ass dogs, dumb ass husband or dumb ass kids...I am NOT interested. I may not look or actually BE busy; BUT bitch I'm busy, get the fuck outta here.

Popping Up With No Appointment

One of the people that gets the biggest side eye from me is Ms. "I Was Just In The Neighborhood". All up in my face like "Surprise Surprise Bitches I'm Heeeeeeeere!!!" The type of agency I work at, there is NO way you can just pop up unexpectedly THEN expect someone to acknowledge you. Bottom line, they do NOT have to see you w/o an appointment and more than likely they won't. So no need in giving me a sob story that you drove 72 miles just to have a moment of the Bosses time. And don't get mad @ me when I break the disappointing news that you won't be seen. I have NO compassion for you. Go back home, schedule a meeting or appointment and we'll see what we can do NEXT time.

Touching My Sh!t
There is a REASON I don't keep personal stuff @ my desk. I sit out in the open, no walls, no privacy. I don't even have photo's on my desk, because I don't want people tryna strike up conversation about shit that doesn't concern them. If I am capable of sashaying my ass down to the supply room then SO CAN YOU! Stop asking me to "borrow" shit. If I have a set of colorful sharpie highlighters on my desk...PLEASE refrain from putting your filthy clepto fingers anywhere near them. If you are not providing coverage for me, then there is NO reason why you should be touching my phone. Why I gotta wipe my shit down with Clorox wipes every time I get back to my desk??? That's the VERY reason I STAY sick in this bitch because people are ALWAYS touching shit!!!

Being A Ditsy Ass Bugaboo
One of the mannnnnnnnnyy gripes I have with people @ work. Our office is FULL of Bugaboo's, every 10 minutes somebody is in my damn face asking me dumb ass questions.

Where can I get some staples from? (Ummm, the room with the big ass sign that says "SUPPLIES" that you JUST passed on your way over here didn't throw off enough "hints" for you?

There's a paper jam in the copier, can you help me? (Bitch. The machine has a fuckin' video and photo diagram that directs you STRAIGHT to the problem)

Somebody left this in the bathroom... (Da fuck you tellin' ME for??? They'll just have to use their context clues to figure out where they left it b/c I ain't touching it)

The fax machine is broken... (You know, hitting the ON button usually fixes that)

I forgot how to wipe my ass, can you show me how? (Hell, they might as well ask me that too)

I don't get paid to problem solve...mos def doesn't reflect that on my check...most definitely not in my job description...mos def not going out of my way to do it. My solution for ditsy people is EASY! Just be a reflection of whatever their giving you. They come to you with a stooopid question, just give them twice as much of a
stooopid answer. The one that ALWAYS works for me is "I DON'T KNOW"... Once people figure out that you are smarter than the average bear, that opens doors for them to consistently BOTHER you. Why try to figure it out themselves when they can just ask the Receptionist??? So being ditsy is NOT an excuse, because two can most definitely play that game.

Calling Without A Clue
I probably get close to one hundred calls a day, and 95% of them make me want to scratch my ears off. When clients call in we are required to ask for specific demographic information in relation to their claims. I had a lady call in asking about her claim. She couldn't give me the claim number, a social, a date, not even an agency name. Then she has the audacity to get mad when I tell her I'm unable to pull up anything in the system due to the limited information. Bitch, buy a clue THEN call me back. People who call with the wrong number are also on my "do you wanna get fucked up?" hit list. A dude called in asking some off the wall shit about someone who he claimed "used" to work here. I told him that there was no such person here, then he wants to damn near argue with me saying that someone gave him this number so this HAS to be the place. LMAO! My mama always told me not to reason with fools; so I gave his ass the AT&T theme song *click*

Expecting Preferential Treatment
Yeah, I may be cordial with your ass in the office, might even chat it up with you from time to time. But don't think for one minute that there will EVER be a moment where I will go out of my way for you. Once again I am NOT friendly, I will NOT have your back if you get into some deep shit that does NOT pertain to me. You are an acquaintance, and nine times outta ten I wouldn't even look in your direction if I saw you in my regular life. So no need in getting your panties or boxers in a bunch when I don't give you first dibs on the brand new office supplies or when I don't let you know that HR is giving out free Starbucks Cards & Six Flags Tickets, because NOBODY gets V.I.P. treatment on my watch...except myself of course *wink*


  1. I really enjoy your work rants. It makes me feel soooo much better about mine.

  2. This is hilarious!!!! Oh em GEE!!!!! LMAO!!!!!

  3. @Wild Safari. THANKS! I'm glad my pain can be someone Else's entertainment! HAHAHA!!! :o)

  4. loving the "i'm not friendly" - i 4 sho thaought i was the only one that felt this way.

  5. This was hilarious! I can relate to all of that, just working in customer service. I try not to do a lot of that stuff cuz I know how it is being on the other end. Working in customer service you realize that the majority of human beings are just plain fucking stupid, absolutely no common sense.

  6. You are my hero. I have suffered from the doom of receptionist work- it seems to be all I ever get hired for. Baby sitting adults is exactly what being a receptionist is- dealing with their little tantrums and hissy fits, and "Me, me, me- but I want it NOW!" attitudes. Seriously, people lose all composure and seem to slip into a state of seriously compromised mental acuity when they see someone behind a desk.