WHY I did it?!
I've never been a fan of being complacent in a miserable situation. I sat in the same position for exactly 2 years. Not because I didn't try to move on, not because I didn't have the skill set to go elsewhere, but because everything in my "go-to" field was over saturated or just not worth it. I knew the day that I accepted the position that it was trashy, the bottom of the barrel and nobody else wanted it. I was in a position where I had to take it, I was unemployed and the unemployment checks were almost on E. From the interview, I knew it was bullshit, lies and a lot of things left unsaid. But I put on my politician smile and took the position. From the day I stepped in the door until the day I walked out of it, I was miserable. I was one of two receptionists. The phones rang like crazy, I couldn't PEE w/o getting someone to cover the front (that pic is so fitting, hunh? lol ) In fact, it was hard getting someone to cover the front when I didn't, have to pee. Nobody wanted to do that job. High stress, people calling cursing you out. The other receptionist made an already effed up situation worse. It was as if she had some sort of hex on our supervisor. Everyday she abused her breaks, she was calling in sick almost EVERYDAY, a disgusting attitude, filthy mouth and here's the best part...she used "God" and "Religion" to justify her fuckedupness.... I felt like ppl were walking on eggshells around her, especially our boss! She has no backbone, I'd complain to her, to her boss, to H.R. still no action.
And on top of all that, the pay sucked. It sucked royally. I was living check to check and building debt by the day. Then there was no room for advancement in the agency. No cost of living raises, bonuses, nothing. Zero opportunity. When I thought financially things couldn't get any worse, they did. The entire agency was put on furloughs. To the average person a day without pay might make a slightly noticeable dent but to someone like me, one of the lowest on the totem poll, it was devastating. Yeah, I enjoyed the "off" days but my financial stability did not.
I was miserable. I was stressed. The stress was starting to take a toll on my health. Weight gain, irregular periods, anemia, depression, mood swings, it was fucking up my mental stability. Last week I felt myself tearing up at my desk. It was one of those uncontrollable situations. I composed myself enough to go to the restroom and locked myself in a stall. I cried. I'm crying as I type this. I didn't understand and didn't know WHY I was crying. I didn't WANT to cry but my body, my emotions said differently. I had to release whatever I was holding in. I composed myself again, went back to my desk, my eyes swelled again. I got up to take a break and cried again. After leaving the restroom for the second time, I knew something was wrong with me. Something terribly wrong. But what? All I know is I had to get it together, quick, because I wasn't going to let myself have an emotional breakdown IN THE OFFICE.
Doctor's have told me before, that my body & hormones are extremely imbalanced and that I seemed to be under a lot of stress. The funny thing is, I felt perfectly fine everyday @ 4:01pm when I stuck my keys in the ignition & headed home. My anxiety, headaches and misery didn't kick in until 7:01am, when I opened the office doors.
For over a year, I contemplated over & over again about how I was going to quit. I didn't feel appreciated and wanted to go out with a bang. I wanted my departure to be unexpected, at the most inopportune moment...
I was miserable. I was stressed. The stress was starting to take a toll on my health. Weight gain, irregular periods, anemia, depression, mood swings, it was fucking up my mental stability. Last week I felt myself tearing up at my desk. It was one of those uncontrollable situations. I composed myself enough to go to the restroom and locked myself in a stall. I cried. I'm crying as I type this. I didn't understand and didn't know WHY I was crying. I didn't WANT to cry but my body, my emotions said differently. I had to release whatever I was holding in. I composed myself again, went back to my desk, my eyes swelled again. I got up to take a break and cried again. After leaving the restroom for the second time, I knew something was wrong with me. Something terribly wrong. But what? All I know is I had to get it together, quick, because I wasn't going to let myself have an emotional breakdown IN THE OFFICE.
Doctor's have told me before, that my body & hormones are extremely imbalanced and that I seemed to be under a lot of stress. The funny thing is, I felt perfectly fine everyday @ 4:01pm when I stuck my keys in the ignition & headed home. My anxiety, headaches and misery didn't kick in until 7:01am, when I opened the office doors.
For over a year, I contemplated over & over again about how I was going to quit. I didn't feel appreciated and wanted to go out with a bang. I wanted my departure to be unexpected, at the most inopportune moment...
I wanted to make them feel my raft....
I thought about....
nah, I'm too cute for prison...
what about going ape shit on a few hoes???
ehhh, I might mess my hair up...
a heartfelt note???
nah, I didn't want anyone effing w/ my final paycheck...
I know!!! An email explaining why I want to resign...
LOL, well my anticipated "big finale" didn't quite go in any of those directions. Last Thursday I came in the office, worked the entire day and got rid of any & everything I could think of that I didn't want left behind. I didn't say a word, I didn't tell anyone. Not even my boss. I came back Friday morning and headed straight to H.R. with my Badges, Keys & Access Cards and a single sentence resignation letter. Naturally, H.R. acted concerned. They wanted to know if I was sure I was making the right decision and if I wanted to talk to anyone. I declined. I had to do it. I had to do it for me.
I'm good financially and I have a roof over my head, so no worries :o)
I've learned that if you want a bosses lifestyle...then...
Sometimes you have to make boss moves...
Have you ever quit your job or made a decision that you KNEW people would judge you for? Tell me about it. I want to hear you.
